The thought of bravery hasn’t crossed my mind in a long, long while. The last time I felt like I did something courageous was when I made a career change; that was almost four years ago. It’s not that I’ve become complacent; there are so, so many things I still want to do. It’s that I have let fear come first.
I can’t say I’m brave enough yet, but this is the first step — because did you know that courage is actually a skill?
Some years ago, I stopped sharing my ideas, thoughts and feelings on the internet because of one comment from a relative. From then on I became as guarded as much as I could while still trying to share things that I hold near and dear. Soon, I started questioning why I’m adding to the noise of so many voices clamoring (others actually needing) to be heard. It made me question what the point of sharing was. Unless it was helpful or something I’d like to commit to memory, I kept it to myself (and shared it with my husband instead lol).
For some it might seem trivial or shallow, but for me, opening up (again) and feeling like what I share is worthwhile is a big deal. Telling stories (whether mine or others’) has always been my favorite thing to do, and I haven’t found joy in it in a long time because of my fear of being judged or called out or ridiculed.
I know, I shouldn’t have let one stupid comment affect me so much, but I guess, at least, I was able to really take time to figure out which portions of my life and thoughts I am confident will not only be fun to share (for me) but others would find helpful as well.
Now, I feel ready. I also feel like Sara B.’s words call out to me (specifically — we just have that connection, lol I wish). In case you’re in a similar situation, maybe it will call out to you, too.
“Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down by the enemy. Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing, bowed down to the mighty. Don’t run, stop holding your tongue.”