And by we, I mean me.
Here’s the sitch.
I’ve come to the conclusion that my intuition is strong — I just don’t listen to it. This is my attempt at fixing that. I had an inkling that my calm days were coming to a close but I kept on putting things on my plate. Aside from work, which takes the bulk of my time, there are also house chores. And then we started a business again (one of the two we were brewing; mine would have to wait just a bit more).
Don’t get me wrong, I like all of the things I’m doing. But I am, as cliche as it sounds, only human. And I’m tired. I hardly have time for anything else. The moments I’m not doing anything, I spend on TikTok. It’s not a productive use of my time but I tell myself I deserve it because I’ve just been going and going and going. And then I feel bad because I should’ve been blogging or reading or filming or taking photos or trying to draw again. It’s a neverending cycle of tiredness and questioning.
I know I’ve vowed not to share anything that I think isn’t helpful to other people. I’m not entirely sure this would be helpful but I hope that in recognizing my tiredness, you’ll be able to recognize yours too (if you’ve been avoiding it or sweeping it under the rug).
So what now?
I don’t want to be stuck here, of course, so I’ve looked up ways to get through this. Here’s how I’m trying to address burnout.
- I’m trying to make peace with the idea of rest. More than that, I’m actually taking some of it. Even in the middle of the pandemic, we’re expected to just be on, finish things, be productive — all that with the fact that there have been hundreds of thousands of deaths due to COVID-19. We need to take a moment to ourselves — lots of it if we can afford it. I’m trying to not feel bad about taking naps and not doing anything. My body needs it. My mind needs it.
- I’ve started working out again. The original goal was to mimic my routine before I stopped a few months, which was to follow a six-times-a-week routine. I don’t think I’m ready for it yet mentally and physically so I’ve been sticking to just three times a week (MWF). I’ve changed up the routine too. I used to follow Emi Wong‘s plans but now I’m doing a variety of workouts from MadFit.
- The past couple of weeks have been difficult in the sleep department, but I’m trying to get back to a more consistent schedule. The dread is just too heavy these days, especially upon learning that everyone’s already getting vaccinated except for us. It’s sad and frustrating to be a Filipino; I truly don’t know how people can be “proud”.
- I’ve stopped stressing about not posting consistently. I was determined to grow this blog at the start of the year. I made a social media plan for Instagram but it proved to be difficult to maintain and the results are dismal. When I took a pause was when I surprisingly got a boost. One of my posts went viral on Pinterest, and I’ve been seeing a spike in my ad earnings — not too high to make a living out of this yet though haha. But I’m just trying to get my groove back.
- I’m going to start journaling again. I know I’ve been dipping in and out of it even though I’m sure of how much it helps me mentally and emotionally, but I’m determined to get back on track.
- I’ve been listening to music again. My relationship with music’s become quite unstable. I go through periods of not listening to it because I memorize melodies and lyrics quite quickly and I don’t have brain space for all of that. I sometimes forget how inspiring good music can be. NPR’s Tiny Desk series is a good way to discover new (or new to you artists). Below are a couple of my new faves.
I don’t know how long it will take for me to address burnout, and I’m really taking it slow because I don’t want to be burnt out in the process of avoiding getting burnt out. But here’s to better, calmer days.