Getting married is easy. Once you’ve secured yourself a marriage license, which is a breeze to get, you can easily schedule a date in a courthouse. Bring a couple of witnesses on the date you’ve chosen, go through the ceremony and be legally married in no time.
Going through the formal stuff is easy. The more challenging part is in what happens before you actually take a step forward. Sometimes, no matter how long you’ve already been together, there are some topics that you don’t necessarily find the need to talk about. When you decide to get married, however, there are some things you need to address to ensure that you are on the same page. Here are some of the things you and your spouse-to-be need to settle before tying the knot.
For some, talking about money comes easy. For others, however, it’s something that is considered taboo. If you belong to the second group, it’s time to cast away reservations and start talking about your finances. What kind of arrangement will you be most comfortable with? Some couples share only household expenses and keep their finances individually. Others, meanwhile, share everything – from the household expenses to personal needs. It’s important that you decide on what you believe will be best for you and your spouse-to-be without compromising your stand.
In Philippine culture, the next step after getting married is having children. There are some couples, however, that do not find the need to introduce an offspring to the world. Having a kid is great. Not having a kid is great, too. If you’re not the type to want to have a child, you need to express it to your spouse. If , in case, your spouse-to-be is on the other side of the fence, maybe you can compromise. The important thing is you voice out your choice. Say you do decide that you are going to have kids, how many are you looking at having? Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially, how many children can you have without getting poor in any of those areas?
Where to settle
Some couples make sure that they already have a place of their own before they tie the knot. Meanwhile, others are faced with a variety of choices for where to settle. Ideally, living together just the two of you should be the choice. For those who find it more economical, however, living with either of your families might work. It is important to ensure that you have your own space, though, as sharing a house with others can prove to be a challenge especially in terms of privacy.
In the olden times, women were expected to be submissive to their husbands and do everything. While it still largely happens, roles in the household should not be assigned solely to women. Men should take a hand in working in the house, too. Talk to your partner about delegating tasks. The chore you hate might be your spouse-to-be’s favorite thing to do. You can even set up a reward system to motivate each other.
You may have already found your better half, as people fondly label it, but at the end of the day, you’re still an individual. Remember what they say about not being able to love others if you don’t love yourself? That’s applicable in any kind of relationship, especially in a marriage. You can’t love your spouse if you don’t love yourself. And you won’t be able to share yourself if you don’t give time to yourself. You need to recharge. You need to nourish your own soul. You need to be your own person. While you may enjoy doing everything together, you should still make it a point to give each other some time apart and grow as individuals.
Have you discussed these to your spouse-to-be already? Are there other “big” topics you think partners should talk about before tying the knot?
Jorj is an editor by profession, a b/vlogger on weekends, and a wife to Yop and mom to Cadence always. She's powered by curiosity and is in the process of becoming her best self.