Things have been quite difficult lately. I want to accomplish so many things but freeze at the enormity of them. I’m back in a rut — yes, even after my video about how to escape it. I keep thinking that if I have a weekend with nothing to do but think and reflect, I’ll finally have the motivation I need to get. things. done. But who am I kidding? I need to take action, and I need to be able to sustain it. So I looked for help… on the Internet, and found the Kindness Method. But would it really work?
First, what is the Kindness Method?
Created by behavioral specialist Shahroo Izadi, the Kindness Method is said to be a way for anyone to finally turn bad habits into good ones. Its most important lesson? All your steps have to be built upon an understanding and compassion for yourself.
I know, it sounds too self-help-y, but what sets this method apart from others, they say, is that it is actionable. I’m sure you’ve read hundreds of pieces of advice on how to make good habits and stick to them but found it hard to follow. Some of them are quite vague, others are not fit for what we really want. Will the Kindness Method be it for you — and me?
How to do the Kindness Method
Forgive yourself for having bad habits
It’s so easy to get mad at yourself when you procrastinate or decide not to eat healthy or exercise. But this method asks you to stop beating yourself up for whatever bad habit you have because it most likely came about as a result of coping with something. The method instead asks that you really examine what moved you to create the bad habit and forgive yourself for it.
RELATED: What’s Your Why?
Carve out a plan
Often, when we decide to change something in our lives, we easily give ourselves goals. I know I have. When I started wanting to lose weight, I vowed to never eat rice again. And I did — for a month, before I relapsed. The Kindness Method suggests that instead of diving head on to the action, make sure that you really spend time carving out a plan that works for you. Sure, some people may find it easy to go keto right away and stick to it. But some people just aren’t. As the first step suggests, it takes a lot of introspection and understanding yourself before you can see the changes you so want to make.
Focus on the outcome, not what you can lose
It’s a bit similar to looking at the glass half full. But the Kindness Method suggests that you envision your life in two different ways: if you don’t change and if you do. Focusing on what you can gain in the future instead of what you are giving up at present can help you get the motivation you need to stick to the good habits you want to make, it says.
Acknowledging what may help you relapse
Complacency, boredom, anxiety and more — know which of these is your biggest enemy. The method says you have to acknowledge your weaknesses and what might trigger you to go back to your old habits. Will a stressful day kick your good eating habits to the curb? Will stress make you want to drink alcohol again? Knowing these triggers can help you take better care of yourself and get reminded of why you started.
At its core, the Kindness Method is simply about being kind to yourself. When you are kind to someone, you’re not just nice — that’s the bare minimum — you actually want the best for them. That’s exactly what this method asks you to do when it comes to your habits. Be kind to yourself enough to want to give it your best. The method also asks you to celebrate yourself and what makes you lovable.
For someone who has been struggling with bad habits and self-sabotage, following these tips can be quite daunting. But I’m definitely willing to try. Will it change my life? We’ll see.
Jorj is an editor by profession, a b/vlogger on weekends, and a wife to Yop and mom to Cadence always. She's powered by curiosity and is in the process of becoming her best self.